Are you coming home for Christmas

Home is Where the Heart is...

Are you coming home for Christmas

I haven't blogged for months so I made an early New Year's resolution to start again. So much has changed since I last wrote, some challenging and others unknown. The song 'I'm coming for Christmas' is especially meaningful this year. 

I'm grateful to being home with my friends and loved ones but I still feel the New York City pull. Can you ever truly come home again or are you in a state of limbo, waiting for your life to start?

While contemplating my next move, I'm cherishing the time with my mom and dad and can't believe a year ago we weren't speaking. How quickly time can slip by until we realize what's important. 

It's not the things we have but the people we love who make us who we are and when push comes to shove we can disregard possessions but not people. Hurricane Sandy taught us to hold our loved ones close and value the time we have with them.

I remember tossing aside things that I thought were so important to me and realizing they held little value. As I struggle to start my life over I ask that you keep in mind that it's not the stuff that matters but your loved ones. Don't fight over getting the perfect gift as in the long run what they will remember is the simple words 'I love you.'

Happy holidays!

All I really needed to know I knew when I was five years old?

It’s funny how your younger self knew with the utmost certainty what they wanted to be when they grew up. Now depending when you asked them, the answer could be vastly different but they were convinced they knew the inevitable.

As you grew older your dream was reinforced by classes, teachers and practicality. When I was growing up I wanted more than anything to be a teacher as I wanted to make a difference in children’s lives. I was lucky enough to have teachers who made me believe in myself when I didn't have the courage to do so and I wanted to be able to give that hope to others.

I had a few obstacles in my way and that being the practical subjects. Give me a creative task and I look forward to the challenge while math or science seemed like conversing in a foreign tongue. That could stem from the fact that I have very few memories before the age of thirteen when your structural math education should have been formed. I have to say to this day, I’m glad to have ten toes and fingers as they are used more than they should be for simple factoring.

Thanks to a great RA freshman year I found out about the Hamburg program and was lucky enough to be selected. It seemed that all the stars were aligned, I would teach throughout my senior year at the Hamburg schools and afterwards most students would be placed in the district upon graduation. I hurried to complete my studies and by junior year I had finished all requirements to be ready to spend senior year way from college and then disaster or providence hit and I had to take a math teaching class.

Not my strong suit but I felt like I rose to the challenge. I bought math games, conversed with other teachers on how to make the tutoring fun and then I was given, I’m sorry to say but the torturous trio as these three could have waylaid Harry Potter.

The two boys were best friends and had that secret code all tiny tots seem to have to be able to converse and torture adults without speaking and were determined to rattle me. They kept slamming their heads against the desks and that was the least of their angst while the girl didn’t speak at all. It was a ‘fun’ three month session.

Although I escaped with an A in the course, I sought guidance from a counselor on what to do with my life. She suggested that despite the fact that I enjoyed working with kids throughout the summer, they were there because they wanted to be at camp where a classroom setting is far different as the natives are being caged. I quickly switched majors to English/Electronic Publishing and by the end of junior year had all the credits I needed to graduate.

So I decided to study abroad senior year was accepted into a London program where I was all set to go but due to a mix up in my scholarship I ended up graduating early instead of studying abroad. Coming home I found nothing out there and had to work at Wegman’s in the produce department but was asked to do the cooking demos one day (not that I cook now but I can) one day and I loved it and my station became a popular one as I would get the other departments to enhance my meals with steak, shrimp…etc  and that ended up being a great way to further get out of my shell.

I found out that I love talking to people ( I know big surprise for anyone in high school when I think a mouse scurrying around was louder than me) but I came into my own especially when I moved to NYC and now I’m jumping ahead of the story.

I borrowed the Writers Market book from the library and started cold-writing different publishers asking for a publishing internship and Black and Dog and Leventhal opened the Big Apple’s doors to me and I’ve never moved back.

Staying at some jobs longer than others it was publishing, Broadway, newspapers, theatre…etc and now who knows. I sometimes feel like that proverbial spinning top wondering where the next turn will take me and although I enjoy the ride, I sometimes wish I had a more concrete direction.

To the young Amy, you’re a long way baby from where you started and life isn’t always what you planned it to be.

Finding the Fourth by Amy Carothers

Looking into the mirror I see a past reflecting me

Those who’ve given their lives to allow us to be free

The families at home worrying about their loved ones overseas

The gratefulness I feel as the flag proclaims our nationality

We may not all agree with the politics sending our soldiers into war

but think of those who have died to allow our dreams to soar

Rewinding the Past by Amy Carothers

Rewinding the Past

By Amy Carothers

Years slipping by

faster than we can hold on to

The mirror reflecting a face that shouldn't be so

For some the marching of time is their greatest fear

While others see it as a map of life's accomplishments

Each dent or slope a hidden memory

A gray hair, not something to be pulled but examined

before

  being

     colored

         away

Watching children skipping down the street

Don't envy their energy

but take a deep breath

and reclaim your own

The passing of time can not be altered 

                                                                     

                                                                     So

                                                                    As

                                                                Time

                                                          Ticks on

Make it count!

A New Yorker’s 12 Days of Christmas

Five Golden Rings

A New Yorker’s 12 Days of Christmas

By Amy Carothers

12 Drummers Drumming: 'Music' Makers banging on garbage lids

11 Pipers Piping: The same clarinet player playing Part of Your World day in and out

10 Lords a leaping: Cockroaches scurrying along the streets or subways

9 Ladies Dancing: On the bar after too much merrymaking

8 Maids a Milking: Women on the prowl during the weekends

7 Swans a Swimming-Central Park’s Swan House and Turtle Lake

6 Geese a Laying: No geese but New York City’s Bird-The Pigeon

5 Golden Rings: With the ratio of guys to girls people are searching for at least a brass ring

4 Calling Birds: People giving the bird after someone steals their taxi

3 French Hens: A French Guy in the city, at least 3 women will be after him

2 Turtle Doves: Couples kissing on the train pushing you in the corner so they can make out

1 Partridge in the Pear Tree: Kevin is not the only one Home Alone

Life’s Bumps

Life’s Bumps

By Amy Carothers

Such a tiny little thing almost could be ignored

Fighting its way to the surface more of a bothersome than a sore

Wouldn’t even have noticed except a blackish bruise

Now the waiting begins, to find out the news

The unknown is fleeting more than ever before

How could such a small thing become impossible to ignore

Settling in the back of my mind making me question

Life’s oddities and my future’s direction

Family history has always been important to me

But this tie to my past, I’d rather not see

Banding together the women in my family tree

What leaf will be unturned, what will the future be?

Thanksgiving is a time of hope and health

Never more, do I want that for myself

The Choice

The Choice

By Amy Carothers 

To many years I fought the waves

The ups and downs keeping the currents at bay

I’ve learned this year you can’t control

Everything life bestows

The most important thing is to be true to you

Don’t let others drag you down or be cruel

Make a choice to stand up for yourself

You’ll be surprised how good it felt

Loving is powerful but can be binding

Leaving is sometimes the most freeing

Sometimes the life we were born into is not what we need

By removing ourselves , it’s like the cage bird being freed

You can love but not remain

Be true to yourself, be happy and that’s winning life’s game

Falling Towers and Dreams

Falling Towers and Dreams

By Amy Carothers

The day the towers fell

Broke our nation’s spell

Shaking it to its very core

The Big Apple’s security felt no more

Unprepared that it could happen here

Holding tightly to each other trying to abate the tears

From the ashes heroes were born

Brave men and women forgoing the scorn

Entering the Trade Center to save others

Risking their lives for their sisters and brothers

The tenth anniversary brings the past home

People anxious of what the day holds

Remember live your life to the most every day

Carpe Diem, Always Seize the Day



My Suitcase gets more use than my apartment does: Travel on…

Bradbury said it best with ‘Half the fun of the travel is the esthetic of lostness’ and I love to get lost, well purposely in any place that I visit. Sticking to the tourist trappings, you don't get a chance to really see the setting. It’s often when you venture off the beaten path that you come across something special.

Many of my trips have take me for the first day to the landmark locations but soon after I’m questioning locals on where their favorites places are to eat, visit or are the not-to-miss-attractions of their city or village. The locals have yet to steer me wrong so when I visit, I’ll be questioning. So that’s a warning to any of you, if you’re in a place I haven’t visited yet. Look out!

Once again I've booked another trip, departing in mid September. I’ve been itching to go overseas and within an hour yesterday, booked, got the time off approved and paid my security deposit to go to Amsterdam, Paris and Bruges. Three locations that I haven’t been to yet, so I just ‘had’ to go!

It’s funny with venturing out to Long Island this weekend I started realizing that my suitcase or carry-on bag is used more than my apartment. I love getting out and enjoying all that life has to offer and don’t want to be trapped in by four walls. Why not voyage into where the world takes you, just make sure to have your passport in hand!

Forward, Back and then Half Circle the Other Way…

It’s funny that when you decide to make a decision that life likes to pull the carpet out from under you as if to say ‘who do you think is in control?’ As many know I’ve been applying for my British passport and the waiting game that has been underway since March has been driving me crazy.

Finally I decide to just let the process take it’s time, to put it far from my mind until it’s completed. This week curiosity got the best of me, patience is a virtue that I do not possess and while I was busy making other plans, found out the passport should be processed by the end of the month.

All the plans that I’ve made in the interim are now up the air. Furthermore I received an email about an opportunity stateside that has me questioning what path I need to take. I’ve come to the crossroads before and veered left and have always wondered what if, now that the same opportunity has presented itself again do I venture right or continue on my course?

The Road to take, I haven't decided yet?

Are You Ruled by Your Head or Heart?

My mom has started to send me daily quotes to one get me through the work day as she knows that I’m a quote a’holic’ and secondly to motivate my spirits with the London drama. Today’s quote was "I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.’

Mom, I don’t know how ‘uplifting’ that quote is but I understand its validity! We’re always cautioned to look before we leap and I have to admit, I’m guilty of NOT following that advice. I tend to go with my gut and heart quicker than taking the time to mull things over.

Looking back I realize some of my rash decisions have led to disastrous consequences but most have been to the contrary. Some of my best decisions have been spontaneous and resulted in positive life changing events.

Are you ruled by your heart or your head?

One Freaky Friday the 13th

I’ve never believed in superstitions, witchcraft or séances but instead been a firm believer in things happen for a reason. However that still doesn’t mean that having the rug pulled out from underneath me repeatedly one day doesn’t make me wobble. Today has been one of the ‘endless carpet rides.’

Despite having to dye my hair from brown to blonde, pretty soon it will be instead from the grey of this repeated up and down turn of events. I’m hoping this weekend will lead straight on to forging the decision making.

Confronting the past, present and future all at one time can make a girl dizzy. I know indecision can lead to a decision but if you’re powerless to determine its outcome can confuse matters completely.

One part is pushing for leaving, another to stay behind while a third is offering two different choices where one perplexed individual, me, is saying what now? If I ever think I’m starting to understand life, please feel free to smack me!

“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”

James Dean said it best with dream as if anything is possible but live life like each day is your last. Throw caution to the wind and embrace life’s challenges. Too many times we reach the end of our lives with not I wish I had never done that but instead, why didn’t I take the chance.

Mistakes are not the end of the world, we all make them but they mark and allow us to keep growing. We should not be the same person we were at the start than at the end of our lives. What makes us unique is the circumstances and the challenges we’ve faced.

The expression ‘what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger’ I find to be most telling! Do you want to come to the end of your life with battle scars or unblemished? The choice is yours, but I’ll take the bumps and bruises life dishes out.

I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”-Frost

Royal Wisdom

Royal Wisdom

By Amy Carothers

Things are changing so fast

From Osama gone to the Royal Love Nest

History is in flux, where do we go from here

Wondering with overseas, do we need to fear?

Chants of celebration can be heard outside my wall

Flags waving, people crying, our anthem playing proud

Remembering what happened those ten years ago

How life has changed and with it our ability to let go

This monster’s death brings back to life

Those sirens, screams and terror of that morning's sight

Although this gives families and our country some closure

We must never forget the very thing that brought us closer.

The Alarm Tolls and I Answer Its Shrill Call

LET ME THROUGH

I woke up this morning with such a sudden sense of clarity (not due to the fact my alarm clock didn’t go off, that had me making a mad dash to work) but instead a rush that put everything into perspective.

Almost like a puzzle, all the pieces that were once unable to fit were doing so with such ease. I wondered why I had been trying to jam them into spaces that didn’t belong for such a long time.

Sometimes a friend needs to confront you with the truth and just say plainly, "what do you want and that you have a fine line where that window is cracked open just long enough that you can see your dream and it’s able to be pushed open to make it a reality."

Once that proverbial window closes, a dreamer is locked out of that possibility and might spend the rest of their life wondering how to shatter its unbreakable glass. It’s funny how the window is also see-through and reflects what you really want. The question becomes, do you make the vision, actuality?

I’ve spent a long time wondering how to make my dream come true and I now know the answer is just to believe in yourself. Whatever obstacle you face, if you confront it and work hard, anything is possible!

Family Fascination: Trying to Climb the Family Tree

I’ve always had an interest in family history as knowing your roots gives you a deeper understanding of yourself but with shows like ‘Who Do You Think You Are’ and the easy accessibility of records on Ancestry.com, I’ve been seeking the tree tops.

I’m trying to understand my fascination with a family that I will never meet and now has become such an importance in my life. Greeting names, stations and unique situations, I find as the page turns, it’s better than any mystery book I’ve read. This time, the ending is me but what’s before is anyone’s guess.

The more I thumb through history the more my curiosity grows. I’m so intrigued about what can be unturned that I get frustrated when I can’t get past a certain ancestor and my family can’t understand my passion for this research.

Calling them on my progress, I know their feigning interest but in reality, I know they don’t care. Bless their hearts, they listen to me prattle on. Good thing too as I never shut up!

It’s time to confront the past with the present and like the current theatrical production, ‘Anything Goes!’

The 33 Slippery Slope

Lemony Snicket got it ‘write’ when he called his novella the Slippery Slope as that’s sometimes how I feel when I'm getting ready to plunge into my next adventure. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to slide but at the same time when you’re perched on top of that jagged point there's a brief moment of hesitation as the tiniest step will suddenly have you spiraling & sliding without control.

Things in life change so quickly. Do you stick with the plans you set in motion or do you re-address since circumstances have changed? Looking ahead and behind can both mean saying goodbye and am I ready? That slippery slope continues to confront my reply.

Life is funny as making the decision should be the hardest part when in actuality sticking to it, I find even more difficult. I keep pushing against a glass wall that’s taking a long time to shatter; waiting for months to break through is the hardest part. What to do when you’re ready to leap but circumstances require you to stay and

It’s a game of

F

R

E

E

F

A

L

L

I

N

G

until then! I know my choice, now I just need to wait to make it happen so I don’t make it a ‘Series of Unfortunate Events!  

No Kidding Around: Kids Really Do Say the Darndest Things

I find it funny how kids have such a different perspective on things. As jaded adults we tend to see the glass empty while kids say it’s still full. Their take on certain situations, although they mean to be serious can be instead seriously funny!

Mistaking the meaning or their own innocent interpretation results is a deadpan comedian that doesn’t realize how funny he or she is being. Here are some great examples and feel free to share some of your own favorite kid experiences.

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report .  ' My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied. 

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs... One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
 

9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cottonwool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!) 

10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it.. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out...
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'



Things to Make You Go Hmm?



 

'Butt' What?

Butt' What

By Amy Carothers (A little bit of  my crazy poetry to get through the pain in the 'ass' day!

I look in the mirror and I say what

The heck happened to my butt

I workout and eat right

But it’s still hanging there despite

I go to the fridge and it’s bare

As I don’t trust to keep anything in there

Guys get distinguished as they get old

But girls get the ‘bum’ rap I’m told

So to the gym this girl goes

Hopefully to get into those skinny clothes

Running around, no end in sight

Until those jeans, aren’t so tight

One day the mile will reach its end

But alas chocolate you’re a toxic friend!

That Doesn’t Sound Like You…

If that’s true, who am I? It such a strange thing being judged by who you were in the past. To quote a regarded musical ‘how do you measure a year in the life?’

As the years go by friendships, marriages and people change. Who you were in high school, college or even at the beginning of a courtship is not who you are twenty years later. I think that’s the problem with a lot of marriages.

People go in expecting their lives to stay the same and are disappointed by the changes in their partners. The real test of a relationship is that as time evolves you grow together. If not, you will grow apart, it’s inevitable.

Travel marks to your life, like stamps in a passport by imprinting and enriching your experiences. By visiting a country and obtaining firsthand knowledge you’re challenging your own misconceptions. It’s very easy to argue with a closed door as no one is in your face pushing against your opinions and beliefs. By taking the chance in opening, you’re facing a backlash of thoughts unlike your own.

There’s nothing wrong with change, if you’re still the same person you were at 15 as at 32, you haven’t really grown in life. Meet life head on and challenge the unknown.