Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The 33 Slippery Slope

Lemony Snicket got it ‘write’ when he called his novella the Slippery Slope as that’s sometimes how I feel when I'm getting ready to plunge into my next adventure. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to slide but at the same time when you’re perched on top of that jagged point there's a brief moment of hesitation as the tiniest step will suddenly have you spiraling & sliding without control.
Things in life change so quickly. Do you stick with the plans you set in motion or do you re-address since circumstances have changed? Looking ahead and behind can both mean saying goodbye and am I ready? That slippery slope continues to confront my reply.
Life is funny as making the decision should be the hardest part when in actuality sticking to it, I find even more difficult. I keep pushing against a glass wall that’s taking a long time to shatter; waiting for months to break through is the hardest part. What to do when you’re ready to leap but circumstances require you to stay and
It’s a game of
until then! I know my choice, now I just need to wait to make it happen so I don’t make it a ‘Series of Unfortunate Events!  

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

No Kidding Around: Kids Really Do Say the Darndest Things

I find it funny how kids have such a different perspective on things. As jaded adults we tend to see the glass empty while kids say it’s still full. Their take on certain situations, although they mean to be serious can be instead seriously funny!
Mistaking the meaning or their own innocent interpretation results is a deadpan comedian that doesn’t realize how funny he or she is being. Here are some great examples and feel free to share some of your own favorite kid experiences.
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report .  ' My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs... One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cottonwool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
(I want this line used at my funeral!) 
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it.. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out...
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

Things to Make You Go Hmm?